Working slowly but steadily ....

on my mini album about Sweden!! Just want to show you the pages I made thusfar!

It's going slowly because I get distracted a lot by the daily problems I'm having with my son (like getting him to school) and ofcourse my relationship. It takes a lot of time to be in a new relationship! But I love every minute of it and it feels so great to be with him. I sometimes just can't believe that I finally have a relationship with a man who accepts me for who I am and who even wants to deal with my autistic son, whom for now, doesn't want to have anything to do with him. But there are some signs that my son is caving in and that he will accept Cor before X-mas dinner at my parents! So, fingers crossed!!!

Finished the front cover of my mini album!!!

I'm finally into scrapbooking again!!! Last night I finished the front cover of my mini album about Sweden. To make the pattern with the flowers I used a grip mat (anti-slip mat) I bought at a Dutch store called Action (I love to go there!) and I used red spray paint. For the green circles I used the inside of a roll of glue dots. To get white mesh I just painted the blue mesh I have and cut it in pieces. I sanded the edges of the photo and the outside of the cover.

I'm using a cheap album I bought at Action. I'm going to use all kind of different papers in fall colors and a lot of spray paint and paint, using the pattern of the grip mat, the circles and the mesh over and over again.

Pffffff, long time!!!

It has been quite some time that I made my last blog post!! I just wasn't feeling up to give my blog my complete interest.
I'm doing fine now, but it has been a bit of a struggle with my son ever since Ad and Pia died. He didn't want to go to school and his behaviour towards me wasn't (and still isn't) very positive. But things are going better for me now. Much better even!! It's probably because I'm in love with a really nice man. He's my angel!!! I met him through a dating site a couple of months ago. I read his profile and invited him to read mine. We started to send eachother long messages and it felt so good that we soon made an appointment for a live meeting. It wasn't love at first sight but he felt very safe and after a while he found his way to my heart.
Two weeks ago we went on a vacation to Sweden together. We had a great time!!! The only negative thing about it is, that we can't be together all the time anymore. He's living in another part of Drenthe and has a dog that doesn't like cats, and I have a son who doesn't want to know anything about this new man in my life!! He told me that I betrayed him. For a long time he was the only man in my life and it hurts that his mother has found another love!! So Cor and I are being very cautious and aren't pushing him in anyway. Every change for someone with autism is difficult and it needs time, a lot of time, to accept this new situation.
When we were in Sweden I also met 4 Swedish ladies whom I met at Scrap-A-Licious in March of this year. It was nice to meet them again and to see the 2 week old baby of Meri! Cor and I (and the other 3 ladies) were invited at Stella's, who lives in a gorgeous house outside of Upplands-Väsby close to Stockholm, with deer walking around in her garden! Stella has a scrapbookstore at her house and I finally bought some new scrapbooking supplies!!!
Sweden is a huge country compared to the Netherlands and we were only able to see a few interesting things near Jonkoping where we stayed at the house of the mother of a former girlfriend of Cor. We went to a glass factory in Målarås where things are made of the artist Mats Jonasson. We also visited the national parc of Tiveden and a protected Swedish village, somewhere between Jonkoping and Gränna. It is so protected that I can't find a name on Google maps. It is very close to the hotel Gyllene Uttern. Edited: The name of the village is Rottle (with 2 dots on the o)!!!

We also visited Stockholm and went to see the old city (Gamla Stan) and the Vasa museum. I discovered a very nice Swedish shop called Indiska, where I bought some really nice clothes.

Paris!!!

Last week I unexpectedly went to Paris with my best friend Martin. It was my idea as a matter of fact and he went along with it because he also needed a break, just like me!

So I made some arrangements for my son and we left around 4.30 pm on Tuesday. I looked on the web for two cheap hotels, wrote down the addresses and crossed my fingers that in one of them was still a room available. But in case we couldn't find a hotel we also took a tent (a quick up), matrasses and sleeping bags. We arrived rather late in Paris and booked a room in the cheapest hotel of the 2 hotels I had found on the web in the 18th arrondissement just behind the Sacre Coeur. We were lucky because there was just one more room available and the hotel was almost closing down when we arrived!!
It was a nice room with toilet and shower in the room. After we had put our luggage in the room, we went out for something to eat. There were still some small restaurants/bars open.

The first night I slept badly. Martin and I had to sleep in the same bed and I'm not used to that anymore.

On Wednesday we first went to Les Halles in the centre of Paris. We took the wrong direction and discovered a small parc on top of Les Halles. We stayed there for a while and took some photos of the two of us behind a hand and in front of a head.

At 12 o'clock we were supposed to be at Annik's. She is the lady I worked for as an au-pair in 1977 and 1978. I hadn't seen her in 20 years or so. Martin and I stayed at her place for about 2 hours and had lunch with her. It was nice meeting her again!!

After Annik, we went to the Sacre Coeur. We went upstairs with the funiculaire. On the stairs in front of the Sacre Coeur there were several amateur singers and jugglers performing their acts. We loved the jugglers a lot!! I made several videos of them. Loved the act with the crystal ball!! If you go to this link at You Tube you can see it for yourself!

After visiting the Sacre Coeur we went back to the hotel to rest a little bit and then went out again for diner which was nice and not too expensive. We also discovered a summons underneath the windowscreen wiper of the car! We forgot to pay for parking the car during daytime. It was only 11 euros though! In the Netherlands the summons are a lot bigger!!

The second night I slept a lot better (probably because I was exhausted from all the walking earlier that day)!

The next day we decided to take the car and drive to the Eifeltower and afterwards to Les Halles again. We both wanted to buy some nice (French) cd's and in Les Halles there's a large mediastore called FNAC.

We first wanted to buy a seal for the summons at a Tabac, but the lady of the Tabac told us not to bother about paying the summons. There isn't a law yet in France that makes it easier for the French police to get the money for summons from foreigners. So we decided not to pay the 11 euros.

We said goodbye to the hotel and went to the Eifeltower. We found a parking spot not that far away from the tower. We didn't go into the tower (too much people waiting and we weren't really interested in the view). When we were in a small parc near the Eifeltower we both put our red noses on and made some children laugh. I'm not really a clown (and I lost my nose everytime I smiled, which was funny in a way) but Martin is. I also had a good laugh about him and the things he did. We found out that during day time a lot of people weren't in the mood to laugh about his red nose, but at night people got more open and laughed a lot more and made jokes with him.

After visiting the Eifeltower we had to leave for Les Halles. It took us more than an hour to get there. Paris is really getting overcrowded with cars!! We parked the car in a garage underneath Les Halles (it costed us 8,50 euros for just a couple of hours, so you better go for the summons!!! But beware of areas where they can tow away your car!!!). Martin and I both find some nice cd's: 4 for 20 euros which is really cheap.

Before leaving Paris we went to a supermarket to buy something to drink and eat. It took us another hour to leave Paris and it wasn't even during rush hour!
We left Paris around 3 p.m. and arrived home around 1 a.m. We drove slowly (well Martin did, I didn't and therefore missed the turn off to Antwerp so we had to make a detour) and stopped a few times to rest and to eat.

And now I'm getting ready for a 2,5 weeks stay in the Vosges, also in France. I'm going camping near Hennezel and in the first week of August I will be following a workshop Rebalancing, which is a form of massage. Really looking forward to the workshop!

So see you in a couple of weeks!

Rough time!

I received some not so pleasant news yesterday about the homeschool teacher, Pia, who got really very sick about 2 months ago. After they have kept her in a coma for 2 months she finally died last Sunday. I just couldn't believe it at first that she had died. So again, we have to say goodbye to someone who was dear to us!!

I also have to deal with the fact that the man I fell in love with has finally decided to stay with his friend. He told me so yesterday evening, so I really had a lot to take into yesterday!

And today it would have been Ad's 52nd birthday! I lit up a candle beside his picture and took the time to think about him and remember the good stuff.

There's also some good news to share with you: I'm finally going on vacation to France again!! I haven't been on a vacation abroad for years! I think it's at least 20 years ago that I have been in France. My French has become a little bit rusty, but because I have lived there for 1,5 years I'm sure it'll come back to me soon.
I'm going to stay in a Dutch Community Centre called 'De Natuurlijke Tijd'. The second week of my vacation I will be following a workshop Rebalancing, which is a form of massage, at another Dutch Community Centre called Ecolonie. I'm really looking forward to this.

I haven't been able to scrapbook for a long time now. I think there's too much going on in my life right now. I feel restless and leave the house very often to see my friends. The other thing is that I really need to get rid of some stuff that I piled up in my house. This also makes that I don't feel comfortable. But for now I can't find the courage to get started. Maybe after my vacation in France....

Exciting week!

Last week was an exciting one!
On Wednesday I went to a concert of Deva Premal and Miten in Almere with some of my best friends from the Spiritual Centre at Zevenhuizen. We had a great time and the concert was magnificent!!! I also loved hearing Manose playing the flute. And after the concert I was in the opportunity to tell him so in person when he was helping out to sell some of his cd's. He was very enthusiastic in wanting to hug me, so I was moved by that. He gave me his signature and when I asked him which of his cd's he wanted to recommend me, he looked me in the eyes and then picked up one of his cd's and told me to buy that one because it would be good for my heart!! And he's right: the music on this cd really touches my heart and brings so much peaceful thoughts into my head. Love to listen to it!!!

This is a video I made during the concert. Great song called: Four Angels.



And this is a video from Manose playing the Mermaid Song.



Another video from Manose playing Rising Spring.



That same day I also got exciting news from the guy whom touched my heart a while ago and who told me that I had also touched his. But at the time he still was in a relationship and he didn't want to leave his friend. But recently everything changed and he now is a free man.
Last Saturday we had our first date and there was so much love in the air that at times I thought I was walking on clouds. We are taking it slowly though. Our first date however felt great and loving and hopefull!!!

You could say that the Universe is taking good care of me!! Or maybe it is because I'm taking good care of me now?!

Finally back!! Long story.

I'm finally back!! I can't believe it already has been one month ago that I posted the news about the sudden death of my son's father and my ex.
It has been a very intensive month!

First we had to say goodbye to Ad. That took a while, because first his sister had to arrive from New Zealand. She took her 2 daughters (17 and 12) with her. We had to wait for her because Ad asked her to be his executor the last time she came over to see her brother 1,5 years ago. So, 10 days after his death we held a small service after which he got cremated. Although at first Zander told me he didn't want to see his dad lying in the coffin, he changed his mind and walked beside me to say goodbye to his father. He also watched me and his aunt helping the undertaker to close the coffin after the service. We asked him if he wanted to help us but that was too much for him, but he stood there watching us. I'm very proud of my son that he dared to watch his dad. I wasn't able to do that at that age!
Zander and I only arrived the day before the service and we left the day after, leaving his aunt, at her own request, with all the things she had to do.

About a week later she and her daughters came over to see us and we spend an afternoon shopping in Groningen. They brought a rug from Ad's house Zander had asked for, some clothes and shoes of his dad, some dvd's and all the pictures of Zander Ad had put in his home (all things he didn't asked for). But his aunt promised him he would get the new computer Ad had just bought before he died. And for me there was the 'wooden' floor, Zander and I had put in last Summer.
But last week she suddenly changed her mind and send me an e-mail in which she told me that she thought Zander had gotten enough from his father these last couple of years (?) and that she would take all of Ad's stuff that she could use to New Zealand! So all Zander inherated from his dad are the few things mentioned earlier.
There is nothing legal I can do about her decision because Zander carries my name and never was recognized as Ad's son (we weren't married at the time of his birth and decided together that Zander would carry my name. If Zander got recognized as Ad's son he would automatically get his father's name.) and his dad failed to make a last will in favour of his son. Very painful is the fact that 9 days before Ad died, he told Zander that he would inherate all his belongings in case he died. Zander repeated that in front of me when I came over to pick him up at his dad's place after he had spent the May holiday there.

When I received Ad's sisters e-mail ofcourse I tried to persuade her to change her mind but she wasn't willing to. She wrote that she would have nothing to do with me and Zander anymore. At first I couldn't believe that somebody could do something like that to a child, to a child with autism even. But she did and there's nothing I can do about it than except it.
That same day I decided I wouldn't waste any energy about her decision. If she believes she's doing the right thing than so be it!! This is something she has to live with for the rest of her live. I've let it go and send her my love through the Universe.

This all happened last Wednesday early in the morning and just before my son had to leave for his community service from school at 10 o'clock. Well he didn't go because suddenly he felt sick and he stayed in bed for a couple of days. It wasn't a good time to tell him about his aunt's decision so I told him last Friday when he felt much better. Just before I wanted to tell him the bad news he told me he felt sick in his stomach. I'm sure he felt that there was something wrong that Wednesday morning after I received his aunt's e-mail at 9.30 am and that he also sensed that the news I wanted to tell him on Friday was bad news. Kids with autism seem to have a 6 sense for picking up that kind of stuff! It's not the first time I noticed this with my son!

It's quite a story, isn't it?! But we are doing fine and in a way I'm grateful that this happened. I now know that I'm capable of let go and be compassionate in not so pleasant circumstances. The thing is that while Ad's sister was here in Holland she received news about her husband who was taken to hospital a few days after his daughters arrived home again (they traveled home without their mom). I don't know what's wrong with him but I felt she was really upset and not herself when she made the decision about the computer. It's not an excuse but people do strange things when they live in fear and not in love.
I want to live in love and peace and not in fear and hatred, so that's why I'm capable of letting it go. And you know what, because I'm doing this my son also is handling this situation very well. Sure he was angry at his aunt and he told me that he never wants to see her anymore, but for now he also decided that it's okay. I'm so proud of him!

Rest In Peace

Today we received the sad news that my son's father past away in his sleep. He was only 51 years old.

He had severe lung emphysema and diabetes, but he died of heart failure.