Wonderful weekend!

My weekend away was wonderful!!! It was all about meditation including workmeditation and walk meditation and to live in the present or mindfulness. I have met some very nice people and especially one person has touched my heart. I hope to tell you more about that very soon!

I also celebrated my 52nd birthday on Sunday with all those nice people. That felt very special!! Before the program started at 7.30 am I had to stand in the middle of the circle and they all sang Happy Birthday to you and than gave me a big group hug. I just love hugs!!!

I had brought some things from home to make 2 cakes and prepared these cakes during my workmeditation. The recipe is from the Fit for Life diet from Marylin Diamond. It's not an ordinary cake which you have to bake in the oven. The bottom is made with nuts, seeds and dried fruits and the filling is with fresh strawberries and bananas. On top there is some rasped (?) coconut. It's really a very yummie cake!!!

I was home around 6 pm and at 7 my parents came by to congratulate me. And later that evening some other neighbours and friends also came by with congratulations and presents. Because the weather was very nice we could sit outside on the terrace. When it got dark I put on some candles and lit on a fire. It was a great and special 52nd birthday!! A birthday I won't forget, that's for sure!!!

And yesterday I had to bring my son to his dad in Utrecht by train. He's going to spend a whole week with his dad! So, I'm free to do whatever and whenever I want to do! I'm going to have some fun this week!!! Planning on returning to the spiritual centre on Thursday evening and maybe sleep over there and attend another activity the next day. Looking forward to it!!!

On the photo you can see the spiritual centre with the huge garden and pond. This photo was taken very early in the morning and it was raining a little bit. The rest of the weekend we had wonderful weather with lots of sun!!

Mindfulness

I'm almost leaving for the weekend!!! I'm going to attend a course about Mindfulness which is held in the spiritual centre in Zevenhuizen. It's a great place to be for a weekend. I've already attended another course overthere in february.
Have a nice weekend!!!

New Art Journal page

Edited: my third AJ page was picked by Corinne Delis for the Catwalk at SIStv!!

Just finished my third Art Journal page! I'm still using the deer motif.

There are 11 layers on this page. For the flowers on the bottom of the page I used the top layer of a napkin.

The written journaling says:

Deer ......

So gentle and loving ......

You are the flower of kindness ......

An embrace from afar ......

Almost leaving for a Satsang meditation afternoon at a spiritual centre nearby, which I attend every third Sunday of the month. Meeting some very nice people and getting and giving lots of hugs!! LOVE to go there!!!

Birthday card for my dad!

My dad turned 81 today! I went there this morning to give a helping hand. At 81 (my mother almost 82) my parents aren't that mobile anymore.

Made my dad a birthday card with BG and some Prima flowers. The tag is selfmade.

A new Art Journal page.

Finished a new Art Journal page already 2 days ago. I'm still working with the Deer motif and the word gentleness. I suppose it's my theme for this particular moment in my life!

When I went for a walk yesterday afternoon I saw one deer in a secluded meadow. I must be making progress in being more gentle with myself, because it was only one deer and not 2 or 3 as it has been the case in the past! ;-) The deer was looking at me for a long time (and I was looking at her). I think there was a distance between the 2 of us about only 15-20 meters. When I started to move she just calmly turned around and disappeared into the bushes between 2 meadows.

On this page I've worked with several layers (about 11). I also made a gel transfer with an ink jet copy of a deer in a green meadow. The journaling is a quote from Saint Francis de Sales and says: When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time.

Sometimes it's better to do nothing and just wait and see how things are evolving!!

Yesterday I had a splitting headache. I'm having my period and the last couple of times I noticed that I always have a splitting headache on the second or third day of my period. I think it must be caused by the menopause hormones! I'm still very regular though and I'm not noticing any other inconveniences, so I'm just fine with having a headache once a month. It is just for one day!!

Because of the headache I wasn't in the mood of working on a new page for my Art Journal, but I did some preliminary work: I just glued all the pages of the book I chose to be my first Art Journal and made several sections of 5 pages (10 book pages glued together). I also want to gesso all of these pages so that I don't have to wait whenever I feel inspired!!

My first Art Journal page!

Now that all my projects from SAL are ready it is time to start something new!

I decided I wanted to follow the online Art Journaling classes from Dina Wakley. I loved the spray painting technique she taught us at SAL and heard people talk very positive and with enthusiasm about her Art Journaling 102 classes.

First I had to decide about what I'm going to use as an Art Journal. The paper has to be thick enough for (spray)paint without buckling up too much. Because I like to work on a small surface I decided I wanted to use an old book. The paper in old books is thicker than the paper in modern books and you can buy great old books for just 50 eurocents at thrift shops. But because I thaugt the paper was still too thin I glued 2 pages together using an acrylic bookbinder. You have to make sure that there aren't any bubbles with air in between the pages and that you let it dry completely before using gesso or (spray)paint on the pages!!

I have just finished my first art journal page and it turned out just great!

Now that I know that it is possible to use an old book as an Art Journal I have to decide how I want my journals to look like from the outside and if I'm just tearing out a part of the pages or that I use the technique Martha Bonneau taught us at SAL and then use the bind-it-all. I think it will be the latter because it allows me to work on single pages which will be much easier if I'm also going to sew on the pages.

My first art journal page is about applying gentleness into my life. I tend to be hard on myself (and others) when I (they) make mistakes. For the last couple of weeks when I went out for walks near my house it often happened that I saw some deers. Even in the middle of the day, which is a very unusual time for deers to show themselves.

Native Americans believe that animals that cross your road try to tell you a message. Actually it's a message from the Great Spirit (God).

One day I saw 3 deers at the same time. I was particularly very judgmental about myself that day and knew right away that I had to apply gentleness and loosen up a bit.

The motif I used for my page is a deer that I scanned from a children's coloring book. I used three different colors of spray paint (eggplant, wild plum and butterscotch). I outlined the deers with four different colors of watersoluble wax pastels (pink, orange, purple, old rose). In one deer I used a stamp (a text bloc about journal/journey from the Tim Holtz collection). To finish I used some aquamarine acrylic paint and a piece of corrugated cardboard as a mono stamp. Also added some words with my Pilot DVD writer.

I'm sure I can work on this page even some more but I like it for now.

Final SAL project!!

Finished my final project from Scrap-A-Licious: Revlie's mini!!!

I made mine about Imagination and a little girls dreams. I'm still dreaming about living near the beach!!

I haven't been feeling very happy lately and have been down with a nasty flew for almost a week now. Today I'm feeling a bit better though, but on Tuesday I also got some back problems. I was trying to fill the washing machine and while bending over I felt this horrible pain and almost couldn't get up straight again. So for a couple of days now I really look like an old lady when I try to stand up and walk (it's really hilarious to watch!!).

Besides the not so funny stuff that's going on right now, we also got some good news yesterday about my son and his troubles with school and the cab!

From now on my son doesn't need to go to school on Wednesdays anymore. On Wednesday he can have a homeprogram. It allows him to recuperate a bit from all the stress (overload of stimuli in a school environment) halfway through his school week.

He is also going to be transported by another cab which will arrive at 7.45 am.

It's because of our family case-manager that all these positive transformations are made possible! Just one call and everything was settled.

Well not entirely because something went wrong this morning.

The old cab driver came along at 7.35 am. Because we expected a cab arriving at 7.45 am my son wasn't ready yet. I explained the cab driver what was going on and told him I had to call the central about what to do. While I was talking to the guy from the central (who knew nothing about a change), I saw the cab driver getting nervous and ticking on his watch. I went to our front door and told him I was talking to the central and that he just had to wait a bit longer. But than he got angry and left. I told the guy from the central and he immediatly called the cab driver and told him to get back and pick up my son. When he returned he was very irritated and was complaining about us. That was it!!! Enough is enough!!! I exploded!!! And when I explode, I really EXPLODE!!!! hahahaha

So, I told him exactly what I was thinking about is rude manners and about him complaining about Zander being late but that it was only because HE forgot to tell us that he could be picked up 7 minutes later for the last half year or so. It didn't impress him much because he was making this move with his hand (fuck you) behind the bushes in my direction. I made the same move in his direction and also said it out loud because he wasn't looking in my direction (the door of the cab was closed by then, so I don't think the kids hear me say it!).

I felt/feel really great after this explosion. Something heavy is now out of my system.

The family case-manager is now working on finding out what went wrong this morning, because yesterday they assured him (not once but 3 times) that my son would be picked up by another cab starting today.

Edited:

Sad news!!! The family case-manager came over this afternoon to tell me that there isn't another cab that can transport my son to school! The guy that told him yesterday that there was, wasn't even allowed to make the kind of promises he did. So that's a big bummer!!!

The good news is that the cab driver has to make his excuses to me and to my son about his behavior!!

My son told me that after they had left this morning, the cab driver was on the phone with the guy from the central I also had spoken to earlier this morning. The cab driver was complaining about my behavior and that I had made the fuck you sign to him (not telling ofcourse that he started) and that I had been calling him an idiot. But the guy at the central asked him if he had said anything to me first before I got angry. Ofcourse the cab driver told him that he didn't. But then my son heard that the other guy told the cab driver that when he was on the phone with me earlier, he could hear him talk to me in an agressive manner and that he shouldn't have done that.

Although I'm not happy with this outcome, I'll have to deal with this situation and make the best of it and so does my son!

The family case-manager also told me that I have to apoligize also for my behavior today, but only to please the cab company and the cab driver, show them my good will, blablabla. He's still 100% behind my outburst!!!

Vintage stuff!

Bought some vintage stuff at the local recycle store/thrift shop!! I found a bingo game with wooden numbers for just 50 eurocents!!! I also found some old lotto games and some old schoolbooks with photos from the 1950's or 1960's.

I still don't feel very well. Slept in late today: 12.30 pm. Had to do some groceries though and went outside for a bit. Now I'm feeling tired again and I would love to go to my bed. Promised my son we would make a pizza today so I have to wait. Still have to do the dishes from yesterday because I felt to miserable to do them.

The schoolcab company guy phoned yesterday and he told me that the cabdriver will come over to our house at 7.35 am now, starting next Monday. The cab driver will wait for 3 minutes and then take off if my son isn't ready! No apologies or what so ever from the cab driver because of his rude behavior! My son told me that the cab driver told him in the cab that I didn't understand what his job was about but that I gave the impression that I knew better then him. He also told me that the cab driver was driving like crazy to catch up the lost time (80 km where 50 km are allowed and 100/120 km where 80 km are allowed!!). He told me that after I spoke to the guy from the cab company so I'm not finished with him yet!!

I'm also going to make a call to the section of our municipal that is responsible for the school transport of special needs kids. Maybe they can help us with another solution!

What I haven't told you yet is, that my first not so pleasant conversation with the cab driver last Thursday was about Zander being late all the time and him having autism. The cab driver told me that Zander was just playing with me and he (the cab driver) knew exactly what I as a mother should do about this problem!!! ARGHHH !!!! I hate people who know nothing about autism that seem to know exactly how to handle my son!! I told him that too!! I think he wasn't very pleased with my answer! The thing is: he does exactly what he is accusing me off. The only difference is that I know exactly how much time it takes to go to Zander's school and that he drops the kids off way to early. Zander told me that last Friday he was at school at exactly 8.10 am and they left here around 7.35 am. So if they would leave from our house 15 minutes later there would be enough time to be at school in time, even if they got in a traffic jam! I really don't understand why he has to be at school that early!!

Martha's wall hanging project.

Just finished Martha's project from Sunday at SAL: a cute vintage wall hanging!! Hers was called Out on a Whim but I changed the title into Not just any girl!
On the photo I used for this wall hanging I'm about 6 or 7 years old. It's around that age I got confused about who I was. I wasn't sure that I was loved because I wasn't feeling happy at home nor at school. I got the impression that I wasn't okay like the way I was, that I had to change to be excepted by my parents, the school teacher, the other kids ....
If only I'd had a person in my life that would have said right then: You're not just any girl, you're unique and your special just as you are!

I'm not feeling very well at the moment. I hope I won't get sick!! I tried to eat something this morning and almost vomited. My intestins also aren't working properly and I still feel tired! I have an appointment with the Biophotones therapist later today, so I hope he can do something for me.

I also have had (again) a not so pleasant talk with the schoolcab driver early this morning. When he arrived a little bit after 7.30 am he told me right away that he wasn't planning on waiting longer then 2 minutes (they're officially allowed to wait for 2 minutes, but because Zander is never ready he always had to wait longer then those 2 minutes). But because he was late this morning Zander was ready and walked to the cab. Then the cab driver told me that Zander should be ready at 7.32 am. I made a remark about that the whole year long he told us that Zander should be ready at 7.25 am, so why the sudden change? I got really confused when he told me with an angry voice that whole year long it had been 7.32 am, but that he came earlier because Zander was always late. That really got me confused and ennoyed, because Zander's pick up time has ALWAYS been 7.25 am from the beginning! It was he who told me this specific time the first time he came over. At that moment he didn't know yet that my son has problems with being on time! When I confronted him with that he got angry and said that "we" always make trouble and that he is fed up with us! Well, I'm totally fed up with him!! Especially because I now know that Zander had been on time whole year long and that all the complaining he did about Zander not being ready at 7.25 am wasn't justified. Zander always has been ready at 7.32 am!!! URGHHH
I called the company he works for and made a complaint about his behavior. I almost never complain but this time I feel a great injustice is done to me and my son!
Then I got even more confused because I learned that my son could be picked up even later (like 7.40 am) because he arrives way to early at school (between 8 and 8.10 am) and has to wait untill 8.45 am before classes start (which is way to long for a boy with autism like my son!!). Yesterday the driver told me that he wanted to be at school around 8 am to avoid the traffic jams. But today I found out that that is not a reason for a driver to pick up the children that early! The guy I spoke to on the phone is going to have a conversation with the driver and is phoning me back later today or this weekend. The driver will probably hate me from now on, but I don't care, as long as he's not projecting his anger on my son and make his stay in the cab miserable (some drivers do that!!). Big sigh!

Another SAL mini album finished!!!

Today I finished another mini album from the SAL weekend! This was a workshop given by Birgit Koopsen. Thanks to Marit, who found my 3 missing home pages in one of her kits and returned them to me earlier this week, I was able to finish it! So I'm glad I have this blog and that she came over here and found out about my missing pages. Thank you Marit!!!

I only have 2 SAL projects to go! I haven't decided yet which one will be next on my list. Maybe I'll go for the wall hanging from Martha because Revlie's mini is a lot of work. Well you'll see!! Surprise, surprise!

Colorful me!!

Yesterday evening I finished another SAL project: Corinne's mini album!

For this one we had to paint the blackboard album with a pearly paint dabber and then use different colors of alcohol ink with the Adirondack. Then there was magic mesh, grunge board and white letter stickers in the kit.

Ofcourse I totally messed up the album by putting the stamps up side down, so I had to make new holes in the album. You can't see them on the photos because I photoshopped them!

It was fun to make this album and I'm planning on making another one with these same techniques!

Otherwise I'm feeling really tired today. I'm having a lot of stress because of my son. For the last couple of weeks he didn't go to school because he said he felt sick. But as his mom I knew there was something else going on. Finally, last week he told me that going to school is very stressful. The other students are loud and they do things he doesn't like. There are only about 120 students in this school and I know that when they have their breaks that the teachers make sure that it is save and that there are no fights, but still it is too much for my son.

I was very happy when he went back to school last Monday, but yesterday he didn't want to go to school again because it was April Fools Day and he hates that. Today, again, I had a hard time to get him out of his bed and to school. When he had left with the schoolcab at 7.30 am I went back into bed because I felt exhausted.

Sometimes I really wish that there was a man around to back me up!! My son is getting bigger and stronger and I'm getting smaller and weaker (hahaha). Some day I won't be able to handle him anymore and that's the moment I will have to let him go and find him another "home". A safe place where they know how to handle his autism! For now I'm trying to get rid of the stressy feelings by scrapbooking!!! Oh yeah, the sun is shining very brightly today, so I'm also going to sit outside catching up some tan!!